'Uncategorized' Category
The Prodigal Beachy
First and foremost, I would like to introduce myself as the Beachy Tire Technician (BTT), the brother of the honorable HBB. (Not the elder brother, who has commented previously, but the younger one.) Due to the dearth of quality material available for all the good Beachys to read (mentioned by HBB in a previous [...]
A Grave Warning
Now it came into the mind of the HBB that many days had passed since he had last lifted up his voice and cried out against the terrible threats and dangers which surround the modern Beachy as he traverses the modern trails of church-ianity. (Which is one of the dumbest words that I, the HBB, [...]
The Three Beachy Boys Gruff
Now it came to pass that the readers of the Beachy Complex cried out with a loud voice for lo, the Beachy Complex lacked new posts, and the derth thereof was very great upon the web, for there was no other site such as the Beachy Complex where one might come and read stories and [...]
Good Beachy Checklist - Part 1: Courting
For part 1 of the Good Beachy Checklist, we are going to examine our favorite topic.
If you are a Good BeachyTM, you will have accomplished the following things before you start dating courting:Read Christian Family Living by John Coblentz
Read all the Josh Harris books
Attend CBS to make sure there aren’t any prettier/handsomer/nicer-F250/richer more Godly ones [...]More Answers From the HBB
The following letters have been sent to me by various discerning Beachys desiring my sagacious advice in these deep and important issues of life. I have attempted to be a good example to the blogging community and desire to continue to share my heart with the masses of Beachys that need good counsel.
Dear HBB,
I’m a [...]A Strange but True Story (Except for the Made-Up Parts)
Realizing that it has been a long time since I posted, and even longer since I posted something lighthearted, I have set my inexorable quill to the scroll of blogging to once again attempt to bring some enjoyment to the lives of my friends and enemies in the blogosphere. (whatever that is)
There was a man [...]Obituaries
Wagler, Ira Lee, 24, Bird-in-Hand News, PA, died a violent and needless death in Bird-in-Hand on 11/25/07. He was born to Stephen and Wilma (Yutzy) Wagler, who was daughter to David & Ida Mae (Yoder) Wagler, not the Ida Mae (Yoder) of Belvidere Mennonite in TN who is married to Emery Beachy, since she would [...]
How to Be a Beachy: Lesson #4
Lesson #4: How to Prepare for Devotions
The phone rings. You’re sitting in your recliner reading a magazine about cars. You already read this month’s hunting magazine. You haven’t read your Bible yet today. You haven’t even thought about reading your Bible today. You prefer not to think about it until you are actually there, ready [...]You Might Be a Beachy If…
You Might Be a Beachy If…
…you think the quote “Luke, I am your father” is from the Book of Acts.
…you have only two ways to express your complicated network of emotions: “good” and “mixed feelings.”
…you think Mark Martin is that Mennonite up the road who runs a garage.
…”figure skating” means misrepresenting the numbers on your [...]Beachy Personal Ads
Yes, you read that right: new Beachy personal ads! The Budget wouldn’t print them. The Calvary Messenger said it couldn’t be done. But the Beachy Complex said that it was their impossible dream! Now coming to you through Beachy Complex Publications, Beachy personal ads, the newest way to meet your mate and marry while you’re [...]
A Serious Discussion: A Second Attempt
Inspired by recent events in my life and comments which have been posted upon this blog, I, the HBB, have once again taken up my proverbial quill, in the attempt to aid the Beachy Complex community in understanding some fundamental truths.
In my previous writings, I have pointed out some flaws in Beachyism by means of satire, [...]A Parable of Sorts
There was once a little old mule who was so poor that he barely had enough hay to eat. The only thing of value he had was a pile of comic strips that he had collected from the newspapers. The old mule loved his old comic strips, and read them every day. He had [...]
How to Be a Beachy: Lesson #3
Lesson #3: How to Play the Mennonite Game Show
Contests each take their seat on either side of the stage that resembles a sanctuary (men on the right and women on the left) while the game show host stands up behind the flashy game stand (the pulpit) and introduces today’s live show to the ecstatic studio [...]Another Fairy Tale Parable; namely, the Emperor’s New Life
And it came to pass that he spake another parable on this wise, saying,
Once upon a time there was an emperor, who much desired to have a deep spiritual life, for verily he was a good ruler. And he sought far and wide for those who might teach him the way in which he might [...]Fairy Tale Parables
And he spake unto them in parables on this wise,
Once upon a time, there were two children of a poor woodcutter and their names were Hansel and Gretel. And the woodcutter was such a poor father (in more ways than one) that he had to send his children away into the forest to find someplace [...]Super Beachy Episode 3
In Episode 3 of the epic Super Beachy saga, see how Super Beachy stops the Yoder family from offering up human sacrifices all the while playing match maker with the church youth. All this, and more or less, in Super Beachy!
This episode is posted in Adobe pdf format. You’ll need a pdf viewer if you [...]How to Be a Beachy: Lesson #2
Lesson #2: How to Travel
Part I: Travel Preparations
You get a wedding invitation. Nathan Bontrager is getting married to Dorcas Miller. Nathan is from your church. Dorcas is from Kansas. That’s a long ways away. Looks like you’ll have to make travel arrangements.
The wedding is in three months. You don’t know how you’ll get there. Probably [...]Super Beachy, Episode 2
Hello faithful readers and S.B. fans. Here is the latest installment in the Super Beachy epic saga. You won’t believe the ending to this issue! Check back again for more super stories with Super Beachy.
CLICK THE PICTURE BELOW to get the large, readable Super Beachy comicHow to Be a Beachy: Lesson #1
Lesson #1: How to Pray in Church
It’s time again for the midweek prayer meeting at church. You go because your parents make you. When you reach 21 in a couple years, you won’t have to go anymore.
The moderator asks for prayer requests. Everyone starts to shuffle around, getting pen and paper ready. Don’t say anything. [...]Super Beachy, Episode 1
Hello, readers. After a (moderately) successful, controversial, and succinctly wordy debut posting entitled “A Lamentation for the Decline of Modesty and Nonconformity among Women in the Beachy Amish Mennonite Constituency,” I’ve been subpoenaed by the Grand Intellect of Beachy Complex to give further testimony concerning the state of the Beachy Church in a series of [...]
