'Uncategorized' Category
An Entirely True Story From the Life of the HBB
Note to Discerning Beachys: Everything in the story below is absolutely true. It occurred on May 19, 2008. I have a small scar on my right cheek which I will carry as a reminder of this event for the rest of my life. I thought that the Complex would be edified by this story, so [...]
Another Beachy Fairy Tale-Goldilocks and the Three Churches
Now it came to pass that there was a young worldly girl named Goldilocks. And Goldilocks did all those things which she ought not to have done, but she wore shekich clothes and yea, even pants, and did cut her hair, which thing she ought not have done.
(Now, I must needs digress from this story [...]Beachy Game #1: Beachyopoly
Young people! Having trouble getting conversation going? Chatter in a rut, and already used the old “pause in the talk after 20 minutes” line? Well, that is why you play board games! Scientists who study adolescent Beachy pheromones have recently discovered a heightened level of confidence and reduced levels of self-awareness when young people are [...]
Super Beachy Episode 4: The Exile
Super Beachy is back in action, and in this issue faces one of his most dangerous challenges yet: the brethren’s meeting! Will Super Beachy be able to overcome the suave persuasive tone of the liberals? Will his super powers help him in deflecting the challenges, or will he succomb helplessly to the merciless elect? And [...]
The Beachy Psalter: Psalm 6
To the Deacon. A Psalm of the HBB.
There is a folly under the sun,
And an error before mine eyes,
For behold, there are those which speak,
Yet understand not,
And they which act,
but know not why.
For they look upon the things which they have allowed,
And behold the things which they have permitted,
Such things as VCR’s or DVD’s.
And they [...]The Beachy Psalter: Psalm 5
A Psalm of the HBB
Their sorrows shall be multiplied,
that hasten after another church.
That say within themselves,
This way is not the way of life,
and this path is one of bondage.
Which bite at the bit,
and chafe under the bridle. Selah.
They shall seek freedom,
but shall find prison,
they shall seek direction,
but they shall lose their way.
For they have rejected [...]The Beachy Psalter: Psalm 4
A Psalm of the HBB upon Baptismal Sunday.
Behold, the sacredness of this day;
Consider the holiness of this moment.
For this day we take our vows,
And at this time we do enter into covenant.
We confess before God and Man,
We affirm before sacred witnesses,
That we belong to God.
We confess our belief, our faith, our hope;
We pledge our allegiance, [...]The Beachy Psalter: Psalm 3
A Psalm of the HBB
My heart thinketh and considereth the past,
And my spirit is moved within me.
Blessed be the heritage of my descent,
and the ancestry from which I am born.
For my legacy is a precious one,
yea, it is more valuable than much gold or silver.
For I am come from a line of people
that gave [...]Apocryphal Beachy Psalter: Psalm 152
An extracanonical pfalme, fet apart from the end of Pfalmes, because it is not in Hebrew, as neither in the canonical Beachy pfalter of Holiness Beachy Boy.
To the nominal Christian, upon the canonical Pfalme 117
1. O praise the LORD for five minutes in the morning, all ye Beachy people, praise him very quickly!
2. For his [...]The Beachy Psalter: Psalm 2
To the Bishop upon Mother’s Day. A Psalm of the HBB.
Blessed and happy are they who train their children aright,
Who knoweth when to use the rod and beateth them good and proper. Selah
Blessed are they who knoweth that spanking is not a cure-all but rather a tool,
And manage their children by love and not by [...]The Beachy Psalter: Psalm 1
To the Chief Choir Director and the Sunday School Superintendent
upon Himmelfaudach. A Psalm of the HBB.
Behold, how pleasant it is to have church standards,
for it maketh us to feel righteous, and causeth us to appear holy. Selah.
It causeth the church to look conservative,
yea, the world is dismayed,
for they looketh upon the rules thereof,
and behold, [...]11. The Flight
Note to Discerning Beachys: Before the Release of the first post of the eagerly awaited Beachy Psalter, it has been determined that it would be expedient to launch a continuation of the Beachy Saga. It is offered to you with my usual regards, HBB.
And the HBB thought back through the past year, and it came [...]Important Announcement!
This is a Public Service Announcement to all Discerning Beachys.
Inasmuch as May 1 is the important Beachy and Amish Holiday, Ascension Day, also known by many as Himmelfaudach, and by others as Amishboatfaudach, we here at the Beachy Complex have determined that this important time of the liturgical year should be commemorated by the launching of a [...]How to Use e-harmony the Beachy Way
Note to Discerning Beachys:
The following post was sent in by an Discerning Reader known only as Shlipped Beachy Girl. Due to my personal lack of experience in using e-harmony, I cannot stake my professional reputation on the effectiveness of the tactics and practices suggested in this post. However, I felt that I should pass them [...]The Prodigal Beachy
First and foremost, I would like to introduce myself as the Beachy Tire Technician (BTT), the brother of the honorable HBB. (Not the elder brother, who has commented previously, but the younger one.) Due to the dearth of quality material available for all the good Beachys to read (mentioned by HBB in a previous [...]
A Grave Warning
Now it came into the mind of the HBB that many days had passed since he had last lifted up his voice and cried out against the terrible threats and dangers which surround the modern Beachy as he traverses the modern trails of church-ianity. (Which is one of the dumbest words that I, the HBB, [...]
The Three Beachy Boys Gruff
Now it came to pass that the readers of the Beachy Complex cried out with a loud voice for lo, the Beachy Complex lacked new posts, and the derth thereof was very great upon the web, for there was no other site such as the Beachy Complex where one might come and read stories and [...]
Good Beachy Checklist - Part 1: Courting
For part 1 of the Good Beachy Checklist, we are going to examine our favorite topic.
If you are a Good BeachyTM, you will have accomplished the following things before you start dating courting:Read Christian Family Living by John Coblentz
Read all the Josh Harris books
Attend CBS to make sure there aren’t any prettier/handsomer/nicer-F250/richer more Godly ones [...]More Answers From the HBB
The following letters have been sent to me by various discerning Beachys desiring my sagacious advice in these deep and important issues of life. I have attempted to be a good example to the blogging community and desire to continue to share my heart with the masses of Beachys that need good counsel.
Dear HBB,
I’m a [...]A Strange but True Story (Except for the Made-Up Parts)
Realizing that it has been a long time since I posted, and even longer since I posted something lighthearted, I have set my inexorable quill to the scroll of blogging to once again attempt to bring some enjoyment to the lives of my friends and enemies in the blogosphere. (whatever that is)
There was a man [...]
