You think the “King of Funk” wrote the Harmonia Sacra.

The primary draw to the public library are the DVDs.

You can make five pies with the amount of fruit it takes to make one pie thanks to the miracle of gelatin-based substitutes.

You are the only Americans concerned that the Amish might not be real Christians.

You think Richard Wagner is a Mennonite teacher at the S.V. Music Camp.

You scorn the feminist who hyphenates her last name with her husband’s but put your maiden name in parentheses before your husband’s.

You’re adamantly convinced that joining the redneck culture is a step up in this world.

The only ounce of sarcasm in your being is in reference to the proof of global warming on chilly days.

You search frantically through the menu at Pizza Hut wondering where the applesauce is.

Your Facebook fan page subscriptions include “Volleyball,” “Miller Barns,” “We Can Find 1,000,000 People Who Don’t Believe in Evolution,” “Erin Wagler Photography,” “Creative Memories,” and “God.”

Your Facebook profile picture looks like Laura Ingalls Wilder at a sorority party.

Your idea of going out on the town Friday night is heading to Wal-Mart with church friends.

You think Miller Lite is an Amish candle business.

CONGRATULATIONS BEACHY COMPLEX! You have reached 100 posts!