4/16/09: UPDATE: GREAT JUMPING CATFISH! HE’S ACTUALLY GOT THAT VESSEL IN THE AIR! Skeptics predict the ship is using too much fuel and will run out in the near future. We’ve sure got our figners crossed, though. http://www.BirdInHandNews.com/

BirdInHandNews.com has recently broken a new record for relaunching the same web craft 1,000 times! The phenomenal accomplishment astonished hundreds of peevish viewers, who reported that while the craft was indeed relaunched, it once again didn’t leave the ground, only some sputters, cranks, wobbles, cachoos, and a final phht. Launch officials at the Intercourse-based pad reported that if successive launches actually result in the craft leaving the ground, be rest assured that altitudes reached will be mostly of a terrestrial nature, mainly due to the vessel’s lack of fuel and minimal crew. In the event the craft actually reaches higher spheres, officials promise that they will lose the craft for want of a horse.

And now back to your regularly scheduled Beachy Complex!