Note to Discerning Beachys: Everything in the story below is absolutely true. It occurred on May 19, 2008. I have a small scar on my right cheek which I will carry as a reminder of this event for the rest of my life. I thought that the Complex would be edified by this story, so I decided to share it.

Now it came to pass that the HBB had once again completed his yearly sojourn at the college and behold, he was prepared to make his departure, that he might return home, and dwell among his own people.

But, he had yet two things which he must needs do, the first being that he should visit a young man with whom he had previously labored in the vineyards of Fast Food, for lo, he desired that he might be an Influence upon him and a Witness, and might lead him to the Lord. The second was but a small errand, for he must needs return books to the library, ere he undertook his homeward journey.

Therefore, he went unto the young man, for it was the Appointed Day that they should meet, the fellow having sent a Text Message unto the HBB saying, “Behold, let us hang out together ere thou wendest thy way homeward, for lo, it hath been many days since I hath seen thee and so on.” And the HBB hadst agreed and now the day they had set had arrived.

The HBB therefore entered into the house and spake to the fellow, and they played Scrabble and had fellowship, and the young man was friendly as he always had been unto the HBB, and things were social and relaxed. And the HBB thought nothing of the possibility of such events as should shortly transpire.

And it came to pass that when the game was finished, the young man spake unto the HBB saying, “Thus and thus have I done, and lo, I art involved in such and such.” And told him of what things he had been doing.

And the HBB held his peace, for behold, the things of which the fellow spake were sin, and things which were such as should not be done.

And the fellow continued, and spake saying, “Furthermore, I have done so and so, and I know thou disagreest, but these all things have I done, and art pleased with the path wherein I have set my feet.”

Then the HBB opened his mouth and spake unto him, saying, “It is not what I say unto thee, but what the Word of God saith. For behold, the Bible doth call these things that thou doest sin, and lo, the path thereof leadeth to destruction, and if thou turnest not away, thou shalt find thyself in Hell. Yea, I hath always treated thee friendly and hath never acted holier than thou, but always kind as a Christian ought to. (For the HBB was careful of his testimony in the workplace.) “Therefore,” said the HBB, “because I am thy friend I tell thee these things, that thou shalt find that the path thou art on shall not satisfy, but shall end in emptiness and misery besides, and what’s more, thou shalt not be happy. But I would have thee to know that Jesus Christ doth satisfy, for He is the Answer.” These things spake the HBB unto the young man.

And he spake further saying, “Let me depart, I pray thee, and go unto mine own place, for the journey before me is long and I have yet one stop to make, namely at the library that I may return my book which I have borrowed.”

And the young man besought him, saying “Return hither, I pray thee. And stop back in after thy errand is complete, for I have a going-away present which I greatly desire to give thee, but it is not yet ready.”

(Now had the HBB been wise and prudent and known what was good for him, and had he known what manner of gift the young man sought to give him, he should have said unto him, “I need thy going-away present like I need a hole in my head.” (As thou shalt see.))

And the HBB returned unto the house after he had taken his errand, and sat him down upon the couch with his back toward the hall door. For the young man said unto him, “Be seated, I pray thee, for I have sought, but cannot find thy present.”

And he said, “I think I have left it in the other room, let me get it.” And the HBB felt impatient, for he really did need to leave inasmuch the time was grew yet later and later. And as he thought thus, the HBB felt a hard, sharp blow to the top of his head. And he thought within himself, “This guy hath taken a bowling ball and dropped it on my head.” (For some people do dumb things like that, and think it’s funny.) And the HBB turned him about, thinking, “What’s up with that?”

And behold, the look upon the young man’s face was cold and he had an hammer in his hand and the HBB perceived that he had been smitten with it. For he felt blood running down the back of his neck. And the HBB thought within himself, “This guy meaneth to kill me, and lo, he hath made a good start already! Yea, he hath lured me here that he might dispatch me forthwith.”

And he rose up to flee, and as he rose the young man smote him yet a second time, and hit him upon the right cheek, and the HBB saw blood fall from his face to the ground. And he thought, “I shalt lose some teeth through this.” (For he planned to get out alive and take his teeth with him.) And the HBB cried out, saying with a loud voice, “In the Name of Jesus, Stop! In the Name of Jesus, Stop!” And he called upon the Name of the Lord. And he sought to take the hammer from the young man’s hands and tried to escape from before his face. And when the HBB rushed forth, he pushed the young man backward onto the couch and he fell, and lo, he grabbed the HBB’s shirt, that he might hold him from escaping even yet. But the HBB jerked away and every button was ripped from the shirt, and the HBB spun him about and ran into the hallway, bleeding profusely, for his head was badly gashed, and likewise his cheek.

And the HBB grappled with the young man in the hallway and didst take the hammer from his hand and cast it to the ground, and he ran from the house, bleeding and scared.

And the young man followed him, and apologized profusely, for he was scared of what he had done, and he said, “Thou art always happy, and my life is full of pain, and I wanted thee to feel my pain. And I wilt pay for thy medical bills. (Which thing might be true, but only if he is convicted of felonious assault and forced to pay restitution.)” (But unto his friends at Wendy’s, the young man said, “Behold, the HBB did say unto me that I was going to hell, and didst harp upon it constantly until I grew angry and smote him. Which thing was not true. For the HBB had harped not, but said it only once.) And the HBB didst pray for the young man before he left. But he prayed with his eyes open.

And he drave his car back to the school where he received medical help from his friends, Mr. and Mrs. Victor Sanders. And they took him to the Police station, and behold the cops were wroth, and said that the young man would be charged with felonious assault, yea perhaps even attempted murder. Yet, let no one think that the HBB pressed charges, for the cops said, “It is not for thee to press charges, for he hath committed an felony and he shalt be charged by the state.”

And at the hospital, the HBB was given X-rays of his arm, (for at some point, which he could not recall, he got hit on the elbow) and a CAT scan of his head, and he had seven staples put in the top of his head and four stitches put into his cheek.

And he witnessed unto they who were in the hospital, and told them of the wonderous grace of the Lord. And his friends did call him and send him text messages and pray for him, and he thought within himself that he knew some of the most excellent people in the world. And he was blessed to call them his friends.

Now behold, these are some truths which can be gleaned for the Beachy Complex readers.

1. The HBB has a really hard head.

2. The HBB has had his head examined.

4. Getting hit with a hammer isn’t funny, but it can leave you in stitches. (Rim shot.)

5. The HBB does believe in reaching out to sinners.

6. Nonresistance really does work.

7. When you find yourself in that type of situation, the grace of God seems to take over.

8. We live in a crazy world, and it pays to be careful in outreach.

9. The HBB has some of the best friends in the whole world.

10. The angel of the Lord encampeth round about them that fear him and delivereth them.

Regards to all and a special thanks to all my wonderful friends who prayed for me and sent me Emails and encouraging text messages,

HBB