Young people! Having trouble getting conversation going? Chatter in a rut, and already used the old “pause in the talk after 20 minutes” line? Well, that is why you play board games! Scientists who study adolescent Beachy pheromones have recently discovered a heightened level of confidence and reduced levels of self-awareness when young people are engaged in a board game. In fact, couples who have been married for years, who married at age 20, who bond over nothing else, bond over card and board games every evening of the week, who don’t know their spouse’s favorite food or taste of music but know their favorite game piece color.

And why have our young people drinking up the lies of the world in heathenistic games like Clue, the Game of Life, Mouse Trap, and Monopoly? Now there are a new series of games just for Beachys (and aberrant Amish)!

The first game to be released is Beachyopoly. The object of the game is to gain bishop oversight of as many influential Beachy churches as possible, then jack up the tithe demands and smack Sunday visitors with the fees, or else a guilt trip. Build storage barns and affluent custom-built starter-castles for your members and charge even more in tithes. But watch your step in the house of the Lord, or you may end up being put on proving! To win, force your opponents’ churches out of a ministry and claim oversight over the churches, then clean out their stash of cash and put them under the deacon’s debt management program to recover from the financial catastrophe.

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