Now it came to pass that the readers of the Beachy Complex cried out with a loud voice for lo, the Beachy Complex lacked new posts, and the derth thereof was very great upon the web, for there was no other site such as the Beachy Complex where one might come and read stories and jokes about the Beachy’s which had good points as well, although there was www.birdinhandnews.com which carried an excellent series concerning a boy named Harmon.

And the cries of the readers came up unto the Holiness Beachy Boy as he sat before the computer in the library at the non-Mennonite Bible College which he attended. And HBB said within himself, Lo, I shall do what I can to make an end of this derth, and I shall write more stories of one kind or another, and shalt publish them upon this site that the readers thereof may read and be glad.

And he cast about in his mind for what story he might tell the waiting throngs.

And he thought that they might like to hear the story of the three Beachy boys Gruff.

 For once upon a time there were three Beachy boys, whose last name was Gruff, who went to a Beachy church next to a wide deep stream. On the other side of the stream was a church were the grass was much greener, so to speak.

Now, let us make it clear that these Gruff boys were Born and Raised Beachy, but their parents were not, which you probably have guessed because of their non-Beachy last name.

Now many of the members within the Gruff boys’ church looked across the river at the Other Church (and if you think I am crazy enough to tell you just what kind of church it was, you are wrong, because the last time I made any kind of reference to other non-Beachy churches, I got nailed to the wall by a series of fierce and fiery comments, even though, or possibly because, everything I said was true, or at the very least believable).

And the Beachy’s looked at the Other Church and said “Behold, the grass is greener across the river, and the practices of the Other Church are so much more palatable to our carnal desires evangelical zeal, for we shall surely be able to reach the world from there like we never have from here. For that church alloweth all manner of attire and all manner of entertainment and all manner of music, yea and requireth nothing of its members, nor even really hath membership, because, hey, where in the Bible do you find membership?”

(It is surprising how much these kind of people know about what isn’t in the Bible and how little they know about what is, but that’s just the way things go)

“Furthermore,” said these astute Beachy’s, “they have only standards which are Biblical and since when the Bible was written before the invention of electricity, anything’s game.”

And across the bridge the Beachy’s streamed to the Other Church, where the grass was greener and the outlook was brighter.

And the three Beachy Boys Gruff went right along with the Beachy exodus and the became “members” of the Other Church, and ceased to live under the Law, and did whatsoever they pleased, basically, and felt spiritual nonetheless, because they had received enlightenment.

Now the years passed, and as they did the Other Church began to change, for there were essentially no moorings, and they had no statement of faith, and certainly not one of practice, and each man did the things which were right in his own eyes.

And the Beachy Boys Gruff looked about them and their hearts were grieved, for they saw that the Gruff family had made full circle and was nothing more than they had been three generations ago when Grandpa Gruff was a Baptist preacher.

And by this time, the Beachy Boys Gruff had families of their own, and they looked and beheld that their children were hobnobbing with the world, and that the world was no different than before, but rather worse. And that all the zeal in the church had not conquered the world, but the world’s insidious influence had conquered the church.

And the Beachy Boys Gruff said within themselves, Let us arise and return to the Beachy church on the other side of the river. But when they came to the bridge, lo, a Great Troll guarded it. And none could pass by him.

And the Youngest Beachy Boy Gruff spake unto the Troll, and said, I desire to cross over the river from whence I came. And the Troll spake unto him, Nay, but thou shalt remain here unless thou canst pay the toll that I require.

And the Youngest Beachy Goat Gruff answered and said, “What is thy name? And what dost thou require? And the Troll said, My name is Regret, I demand thy memory.

And the Youngest Beachy Goat Gruff and his family crossed back to the church from whence they had come. But he was haunted ever after by the memories of the spiritual losses he had suffered as he was sucked into the world.

And the Middle Beachy Boy Gruff spake unto the Troll, and said, I desire to cross over the river from whence I came. And the Troll spake unto him, Nay, but thou shalt remain here unless thou canst pay the toll that I require.

And the Middle Beachy Goat Gruff answered and said, “What is thy name? And what dost thou require? And the Troll said, My name is Influence, I demand thy friends.

And the Middle Beachy Boy Gruff and his family crossed over and returned from whence they came. Yet, he was always troubled as he looked and saw the friends which he had influenced to take another way.

And the Oldest Beachy Boy Gruff spake unto the Troll, and said, I desire to cross over the river from whence I came. And the Troll spake unto him, Nay, but thou shalt remain here unless thou canst pay the toll that I require.

And the Oldest Beachy Goat Gruff answered and said, “What is thy name? And what dost thou require? And the Troll said, “I am the World. I demand thy family.”

And the Oldest Beachy Boy Gruff crossed over alone and returned from whence they came. And as he watched his children and his grandchildren and saw the lives that they lived and the paths that they took his heart was heavy with sorrow.

Thus all three Beachy Boys Gruff learned the lesson that you may go to where the fields look greener. But you’ll never make it back without paying a price.

Regards, HBB