You Might Be a Beachy If…

…you think the quote “Luke, I am your father” is from the Book of Acts.

…you have only two ways to express your complicated network of emotions: “good” and “mixed feelings.”

…you think Mark Martin is that Mennonite up the road who runs a garage.

…”figure skating” means misrepresenting the numbers on your tax forms.

…you assume “Carmen Miranda rights” is a Budget scribe.

…you think that Bush would make a good Beachy if he only weren’t so caught up in all the government stuff.

…you think a Court of Appeals is either a rematch of volleyball or a golden opportunity to start dating that popular guy/girl in the youth group.

…your chances of being asked to teach at a church school decrease if you have a college degree in education.

…your usage of the words “better would” does not mean a superior quality lumber product.

…the first step in considering courtship is to make sure you’re not related to the person.

…you think Arthur Miller writes family books for Christian Light Publications.

…you know about Thomas Kinkaid but not Pablo Picasso, Salvador Dali, or Rembrandt.

…there’s a huge difference to you between having someone of the same sex kiss you on the lips verses the cheek.

…your local economy is sustained by the manufacturing of storage sheds and gazebos.

…the minister from your church preaches against Indiana Jones, saying that you should not strive to keep up with this worldly English neighbor in Nappanee.

…the usage of the phrase “personal purity” is as personal as the discussion is going to get.

…you are puzzled that the J-O-Y song is played at the department store in December, but assume it must be the Amish version because of the reference to the horse sleigh.

…you affirm that you don’t swear.

…you don’t understand why at least 1/2 of these one-liners are funny.