Note to Discerning Beachys:

The following story is a departure from the Chronology established heretofore.  Due to a busy summer schedule, this may be the last story in the Beachy Saga for at least several months.  Also, with the debut of my new series, Beachy Fairy Tales, in the next few weeks, it may be quite a while before I am able to continue the Beachy Saga.  I could not leave this wonderful series, even for just a while, without telling this story, because I believe that it has much to teach us on the Biblical Method of Finding Life’s Companion. 

I hope you have enjoyed reading this first segment of the Beachy Saga as much as I have enjoyed writing it.  I also hope you will enjoy the Beachy Fairy Tales which will be forthcoming.  Thank you for the support from your comments and E-mails.  And to those of you who have been hit by the rocks, I hope the welts heal with time.

Regards to all,

HBB

And it came to pass that, in the days of the judges, there was a certain man, who was not a Beachy, which is clear to see, for he had an concubine. 

Now, verily, there are probably those who might say that that does not mean that he was not a Beachy, for although most Beachys do construction, there are some which do farm.  Therefore it is needful that ye understand that a concubine is not a piece of farm equipment, but rather a combine is an piece of farm equipment.  

Now a concubine is something that no Beachy ought to have. (No, its not another name for a VCR) A concubine is a woman to whom your are not married, but kind of are anyhow.

Now the man in this story might have had a combine as well, but if he did, it hath no bearing upon this story, because this story is about the concubine leaving,  so we know therefore that even if he did have a combine, she did not find it appealing. 

Now if he had had an tractor, perhaps the concubine had not left, for she might have thought his tractor was…uh…cool,  if thou gettest mine drift. 

But verily if thou dost, thou hast been listening to those things to which no good Beachy ought to listen.

And behold, the concubine left, and journeyed home to her father’s house, and the man went after her and came unto her father’s house and stayed for a week.  And when the week was spent, he prevailed upon her to return home with him.  And upon the trip home, an terrible thing happened, which I cannot recount upon this family friendly blog.  For it was indeed nasty and utterly wicked.

And as a result of this terrible thing which happened, the nation of Israel went to war (they were not all Beachys in those days) and slew the people of the tribe of Benjamin and utterly destroyed them, and what is more they killed them all.  All that is, except about 500 young men who were able to make a quick getaway.  Now these men desired that they might get married, but behold all the people of the nation had vowed a vow that none should allow his daughter to marry a man from the tribe of Benjamin.

So behold, a plan developed in the minds of those who had vowed this vow, and they said.  “Let us have the Youth Fellowship Meetings at Shiloh.” Now think not that they meant the Shiloh church in Fryburg, for behold, although it had not split as yet, anyone could tell that having the Fellowship meetings there was not the brightest idea.  (Now behold, let no one say, as someone else has said about the Charity people, that I have never attended the Shiloh church, for verily I have, and I therefore knoweth whereof I speak)

“And it shall come to pass,” said the men among themselves, “that when the girls go forth to play volleyball, that the Benjaminites shall run forth from the woods, and shalt seize a girl and shalt take her away to marry him.”

And it came to pass that this plan was followed.

Now, thou might thinkest, what is in this story for me?  As I have pondered, I have found several prinicples which I shalt share with thee upon this important story, for this being the last installment of the Beachy Saga for a while, I wish to leave with thee some nuggets of truth.

1 ) This is a Biblical method of dating that we should hear more preaching on.

2 ) The worldly fashion of our day would have girls to be thin, but you will notice that it was the hefty girls that got strong guys.  The puny guys (like me) got herniated discs.

3 ) If you expect me to insinuate anything about the weight of the average Beachy female, you are wrong, wrong, wrong.

4 ) Perhaps this would help to increase the growth rate of the Beachy deconfederectshipment.

5 ) Perhaps these thoughts have crossed the minds of our leaders.

6 ) Several years ago, in the Holmes County tent meetings this story was used in a sermon by Dale Heisey.

7 ) I am not making that up.

8 ) Perhaps you should not go to the next Fellowship Meetings if you are a girl.

9 ) Perhaps if you do, you should wear your running shoes, just in case.

10 ) Perhaps I am just paranoid.

11 ) Perhaps this story will help girls think twice before chasing guys.

12) Perhaps I am very optimistic.

Regards,

HBB