Note to Discerning Beachys and my other readers:

After I posted my test for Charity compatibility, I received a comment from a furious Charity person who was apparently offended by the content of the blog. Thus I have taken pains that this post does not offend anyone. (Especially Charity persons) Therefore, if I make any statement about Charity People, I will place a disclaimer next to it regarding its factual content, so that if Charity readers become offended, they might remember that if one throws a rock into a pack of dogs the one that yelps is the one that got hit.  Thank you.

THE PLAIN ACCOUNT OF ISAAC’S TRIP TO THE PHILISTINES

And it came to pass after an extended time (for the writer of the Beachy Chronicles was exceeding busy with the issues of life, such as finals and other things about which he cannot now speak particularly) that a famine came upon the Land of the Beachys namely Israel.  And Isaac said unto Rebecca, Let us go down unto the land of the Philistines, for verily we art hungry and there is no food, and thou canst not make the baked goods that all Beachy wives must verily make.  So Isaac and Rebecca packed up and moved unto the Land of the Philistines. 

Now it came to pass that the Philistines were Charity People, and Isaac, who had never set foot in a Charity Church, (or so some people said) was somewhat anxious, for he had heard things about the Charity people. 

Now blame not the Beachy Blog for those things which he heard, for the Beachy Blog had not yet been created when Isaac made his trip unto Philistia.  But Isaac feared lest his wife should join the Charity people and thus the Beachys should vanish from the earth.

Now Isaac need not have worried, for Rebecca desired not to be Charity but rather to remain Beachy.  But Isaac feared.  And Isaac feared also because he had heard, (now I say not that this is true, for according to some I have never set foot in a Charity church, although I have, but I only tell thee what Isaac hadst heard) that the Charity people thought that the majority of Beachys were verily not saved.  (Now I say not that this is true, although I have heard Charity people say this myself, for mine aunt is Charity and I have heard her saith it myself.)

But Isaac feared lest his construction business should suffer when the Charity people found out that he was Beachy. (For he had heard that the Charity people had more hope for the worldly people than for the Beachys.) (Although I say not that this is true, but only that Isaac had heard it.) 

So Isaac said unto Rebecca, “Thou shalt doest me a favor when we get into the land of the Philistines.  For I shalt wear cowboy boots and carpenter pants and a camoflauge bill cap which advertiseth a tire shop, and I shalt wear an shekich shirt and they shalt not know that I am Beachy, and thou shalt wear thine cape dress and covering with strings.”

And Rebecca said, “But…”  And Isaac said, “Let me finish.  When the Charity people ask me who is that lovely lady, I shalt tell them that thou art mine cousin from Lancaster, which is not a lie, for thou art mine cousin and thou art from Lancaster.” But he ought not to have told an half-truth such as that, as we shall see.

And it came to pass that the Philistines asked who Rebecca was, that she told them, “I am the cousin of Isaac and I art from Lancaster.”

And behold she was surrounded by admiring Charity boys whom desired to date her but found themselves at a loss, for they knew not what to do.  For Rebecca’s father was not there and they knew not how to become betrothed if her father was not there to be asked.  And they couldst not talk to her, for Denny Kenaston would not have approved. (For I have heard that many Charity people believe in betrothal, but I say not that it is true, but only that I have heard it.)

Then one day, as the ancient record says, Isaac was sporting with his wife. And we can be sure that that does not mean that he was not playing croquet with her.  For when the Charity people saw it they said within themselves, “She is not his cousin, but his wife.  And he must be Beachy, for she is his wife.”

And they said unto Isaac, What hast thou done unto us? For our sons have racked thier brains to get ahold of her dad that they might become betrothed unto her and verily some have ulcers, and now they come to find out that she is thine wife. 

And Isaac thought within himself, “That’s why betrothal isn’t such a great idea.”  But he thought that it was better to keep his mouth shut. Which was the first wise thing he had done in this whole episode.

And since his construction business was shot, for all the Charity people were mad at him, he returned unto Israel, for the famine was over.  And he lived happily for a time.  And now this writing must needs come to an end.

Regards,

HBB