The facts in this post are true.

If you are up on worldly knowledge, you will know that one of those liberal, non-Beachy “Bible” Schools (which is all of them but CBS) just went to Costa Rica for their tour. Now we know that all true followers of God (read: Beachy) would never go to any party blind date bible school except CBS. There are good reasons for this! Now as a inexperienced young squirt, you might not realize the wisdom of the keeping of our many traditions. These traditions weren’t blindly handed down without critical thought–they all have sound reasoning behind them. (Do you remember what we taught you about covering strings?) Going to the Beachy Shoe Factory CBS is one such Biblical tradition.

Ach my, just wait ’til you hear about what happened. I am telling you this so that you can pray for those poor liberal Mennonites–especially for the erstwhile Beachys among them. Don’t gossip this around, now. Gossiping is a sin, you know. Just “pray” (and of course let others know so they can pray too).

Anyway, my very reliable sources have told me that choir director of the the-bible-school-that-must-not-be-named got drunk on tour! You’d have thought they went to Las Vegas–what happens in Costa Rica stays in Costa Rica? Apparently not. This is what happened: he was on the way home and was at the airport. He drank some samples of coffee at some of the shops. They included great quantities of chocolate liqueur (24% alcohol)! He drank four or five cups. He was very giggly on that flight home. However, even more than that, he gave a bunch of young, innocent youth some to drink too! Ach, the horror! One of the Beachy boys–he was full of worldly knowledge–took one sip and knew what it was, but mischievously didn’t tell the others!

Fortunately they have kept this sweet party grave matter under wraps from the general English population: as they were boarding their first class seats (another example of their fancy worldliness), an English man was heard to remark, “All that good alcohol going to waste!”

So, the moral of the story is to never have a choir–Gospel Team is the only acceptable style of musical “ministry”. Go only to CBS, not other liberal schools.