And it came to pass after those things, that Abe had a son, whom he did call Isaac.  Now Isaac was the son of promise, and the one who should verily carry on the family name.

Now, it would not be becoming for one who should carry on the family name, yea even the Beachy church, to be allowed to marry just anyone.  For it must be someone with an good Beachy name, and an good Beachy family, and what’s more, be related in some manner.

Therefore, there was only one solution to the problem, and the name of that solution is one which some Beachys and a few Mennonites and many Charity people still flirt (har!) with today. And the name of the solution was: Arranged Marriage, also known as betrothal.

Now when Abe hit upon that solution, little did he know that he was about to provide a subject with which many people could hold seminars and write books about, extoling the Biblicalness and sensibleness and brilliantness of that concept.

For many people since that time, especially those that are into homeschooling, (and I don’t understand the connection, but trust me it’s there, and if you don’t believe me, just search on Google for the words homeschool and betrothal and you will find that I have told you the truth) have said, “Let us not allow our children to engage in flirty dating, nor even courtship, which still bringeth emotional stress at times, but let them be betrothed one to another, that they may have a relationship with Commitment, because when there is Commitment in a relationship, there is no Emotional Stress.”  Which saying sheweth that they have no clue as to the dynamics of a relationship, for who hath ever heard of any relationship whatsoever in which there is no Emotional Stress or Turmoil?

Yet this idea persisteth and likely shall until the end of time.

Now Abe intended not that this should occur, for in Abe’s country there were no Beachys and Abe knew not what to do, for Isaac didst need a wife.  So Abe said unto his servant, Go thou unto the Less Conservative Mennonite Church in mine home country, and look thou for an wife for mine son, that he may have a family and raise it after the manner of a Good Beachy and we might have a great Beachy Nation.

And the servant went forth, and behold as he traveled he came nigh unto the town wherein the Less Conservative Mennonite Church was.

And as he pulled into the BP station, he sighed to himself for he had already noticed that this area was much like modern-day Lancaster county, for behold everywhere he looked he saweth cape dresses, and coverings (with and without strings) and all types of Mennonite maidens.  And he said unto himself, “How shall I find my master a wife? For behold, I am now setting the Precedent whereby Everybody will refer to and say, Look how Isaac found his wife, thou must doest the same, and if I mess up here, the entire Charity Tape Ministry, not to mention Denny Keneston himself,  shall go under.  I must verily succeed.

And as he got out of his car to stretch, for he was indeed tired and hot, and he spake unto himself, and said.  I shall sit upon that Bench by this Gas Station, until I find out what I should Do.

And it came to pass as he watched, a group of somewhat Conservative Mennonite girls went into the store, and he said within himself.  “Aha!” for he had an Idea and a Plan.  And he said within himself, Now let it be that when that group of girls cometh out of the store that I shall call unto them, and shall say, Excuse me, but wouldst thou be able to givest me an drink?

And it shall be that whatsoever girl shall come unto me with an drink and shalt offer to fill up my gas tank shall be the girl for Isaac.

And came to pass that as the girls came out, that he called unto them and most of the girls didst give him a look that some Beachy young people do know as the Hairy Eyeball and didst laugh among themselves, and make rude remarks in Dutch. (For they thought he couldst not understand, not knowing that he was Beachy.)

But one girl didst turn and say unto him, Does thou needest something?  And he said unto her, Couldst thou gettest me a drink, for I know not where to get one, and I have traveled a great distance.  And she said, Surely, and ran and broughtest him an pitcher of water, and he drank of it and was refreshed.  And she said unto him, Wouldst thou likest me to put some gas in thy tank as well?  And he knew that this thing was exceeding unlikely, but rather that it was Meant to Be, and he said unto her, What is thy name?  And she said, My name is Rebecca Beachy.  And asked her, And what is thy father’s name? (For no two Mennonites can ever meet without seeing who is related to whom.)  And she said, His name is Bethuel Beachy, and his mother was a Stolzfus before she married Nahor Beachy.

And the servant said, Art thou related to Nahor Beachy?  For he is the brother of Abe Beachy, whose servant I am. 

Then the servant told Rebecca all things that had befallen him, and how he was sent unto her town for to find a wife for Isaac.  And he gave her gifts, a new cape dress and a head-covering with strings.  And they figured out that she and Isaac would be first cousins once-removed, which, being old Beachys was far enough apart to be safe.

And she climbed into the car with him and away they went, and she didst call her father on her cell phone (for she was a classy Beachy, although she was still very nice, which is rare) and he gave her his Blessing, for he knew of Abe, and that he had a good family and would do right by her.  And it came to pass that she and Isaac were married, and the precedent was set among the Beachys for the Arrangement of Marriages by the Parents, although, as we shall see, even Biblical Beachys did not always follow this example.

But now must this tale come to an end, for I fear it was overlong.  Yet it was a message which I felt on my heart that needed to be shared with Young People, that they should follow after this fashion, and Learn from Denny Kenaston, and practice Betrothal instead of worldly, faddish Courtship or worse, Dating.  And thou shalt hear more about the Successful Marrige of Isaac and Rebecca in some future installment of the Beachy Saga.

Regards,

HBB