And it came to pass after all those things that the Beachy church did sink into a deep level of decline, for they were scattered about upon the face of the earth, and they had had a lot of church splits and hurt feelings, and were in no mood whatsoever to unify, nor even to uphold the ways of their four fathers. (Their four fathers were Adam, Seth, Methuselah, and Noah.) So the Beachy church lost membership and got more and more worldly and began once again to wear shekich shirts, and use Musical Instruments and go to places of Worldly Entertainment and Amusement, such as the Great Pyramid in Egypt. And the Beachy’s did all depart from the way of their four forefathers.

And verily it appeared that the Beachy name should pass out of existence, and should be supplanted by the Baptists, and the Presbyterians, yea even the Catholics, and the Charity People. But in Ur of the Chaldees, there lived a man named Abe Beachy. Now Abe was a good Beachy, and had not yet so much as worn a shekich shirt, although had was leaning in the direction of the Charity People, for verily he had a tire shop, and wore a massive Belt Buckle and had a beard of great bushy proportions, and drove a rusty van of dubious reliability, yea and had even done away with the church standard, and was nigh unto being like unto the Charity People, for he said, I live not under the Law.

But it came to pass, that whilst Abe was looking through an old box, he found John Coblentz’s book, The Upward Call, and even though John was not exactly a Beachy, the old book called back to mind the Beachy ways that Abe and his family were neglecting. And Abe thought upon the way that things had gone, and called to mind another book, by Elmo Stoll, called One Way Street, and remembered the Elmo said that in order to stay conservative, one must move to a smaller community. And Abe got up from his place, and didst take off the belt buckle, and sell the tire shop, and even the rusty van, and dusted off the old church standards booklet, and gat himself up unto a new place, wherein he intended to make a new and improved settlement.

And he bought himself a nice white Honda Accord, which was not two-tone, for he was not liberal, and all good Beachys know that anything two-tone is of the Devil, yet it was not black, for he was the sad victim of Drift, and remembered not that good Beachys used to drive black cars.

And he loaded up the tools of his construction business and headed out in search of a place to start a New Settlement. And it came to pass that as he traveled, he took with him his nephew, for it was indeed unseemly that there should be a Beachy church in which no one was related. And they came to a place with a great river, and the name of that River was Jordan. And Abe said unto Lot (notice now that Lot hath a name that is not a good Beachy name, and seldom does any good come out of that) but he said, Lot, I realize that there has been some stress in this little car, and looking back, I wisht I had bought myself a minivan, like unto the Beachys, for most Beachys verily own a minivan or two, if not an Explorer or some other Blazer-type vehicle. For now there hath been stress between the two of us, and I fear, lest one more church split should finish the Beachy constituency for good. (For in those ancient days, the Beachy deconfederectshipment, was called a constituency.) So, said Abe, let us pick between the two of us, and divide the land, that we may have land apart one from another, that we get not on each other’s nerves, that we have not a church split, that the Beachys might survive.

And Lot (now behold his actions, no doubt due to a worldly name) looked upon the land, and down into the plain by the river (mixed swimming), and saw that the grass was green and fertile, and would verily make it easy to make money, (materialism) well, its OK for Beachys to be materialistic, so scratch that), and saw that a town was nearby, (places of amusement) and the name of the town was Sodom (I’m not going there).

So Lot, choosing to surround himself with the temptations of mixed swimming, materialism, (oops, I forgot), places of amusement, and whatever other temptations that might come from living near a town by that name, chose to live in the lush valley, for he said, and we have heard this excuse before, “I want to be a witness to these people,” while Abe took the high ground, in more ways than one.

And it came to pass that Abe prospered, and the church grew, and there was peace and prosperity for a while.

But Lot was about to have a rude surprise, which you will hear about in the next installment of

Beachys in History, a public service of the Beachy Complex.

Till then,

HBB