We now pick up were our story left off, with Seth being born to Adam, as a conservative Beachy.

And it came to pass that Seth grew older and raised his children, and died, and his children did likewise, and before you know it, the world was full of people, very few of whom were Beachy, much like it is today. And there was a man named Noah, who, as his conservative Beachy name might suggest, followed after the Beachy tradition as all good men ought, and Noah had a grandpa named Methuselah, who could still remember the good old days, and how the people had used to be more spiritual, and godly, and all the young people were in the curfew group.

And Noah followed in the footsteps of his Grandpa, and was a conservative Beachy, and owned a nice veal farm, although, unfortunately, he was deeply in debt, which John Coblentz and other stout Beachy’s said was a bad idea.

And meanwhile, the church got worldlier and worldlier, and the world got, well, whatever the world gets when it goes downhill. And finally everyone was living sinful depraved lives, and drinking and cussing and smoking and carousing and watching TV and listening to the radio and wearing pullovers and shekich shirts. And it got so bad that finally only Noah and his family, and his Grandpa Methusalah were attending the Beachy church, and lo, Noah was discouraged, and feared for his three sons, lest the Beachy’s should pass out of existence.

And the Lord spoke unto him and said, “Noah, look around thee at all the people. None of them are living as they ought to live, but are living sinful depraved lives. Now, I have a plan.”
And Noah said, “You want me to hand out Gospel tracts.”
And the Lord said, “No. I’m going to send a massive Flood and cause a massive catastrophe.
And Noah said, “And that will give Christian Aid Ministries a chance to help them clean up and witness to them while they do it.”
And the Lord said, “No. The Flood is going to cover the whole earth, and everyone is going to drown.”
And Noah said, “Everyone?”
And the Lord said, “Everyone.”
And Noah said, “Now wait a minute, do you have any idea what this will do to the veal business?”
And the Lord said, “Noah, you’re getting out of the veal business.”
And Noah said, “I am?
And the Lord said, “You are.”
And Noah said, “I see.”
And the Lord said, “You are going into the construction business, and you are going to build a big boat, an ark, and you and your family, and the animals you take on the boat will be the only ones to survive the Flood.”
And Noah said, “Wait a minute. I don’t know how to build a boat, or ark or whatever. What’s it even supposed to look like?”
And the Lord said, “Haven’t you ever been to an Answers in Genesis Seminar? Ken Ham explains it quite well.”
And Noah said, “No, I haven’t.”
And the Lord said, “Well, its like a big box, fifty cubits wide and thirty cubits high.”
And Noah said, “It all becomes clear now.”
And the Lord said, “Good.”

So Noah gathered his materials, and bought an Answers in Genesis DVD, which shows how far even the conservative Beachy’s had slipped, and set to work. And one hundred and twenty years later, the ark was finished and all the animals were loaded on board. And Noah looked at the worldly people standing around the boat and said, “You people really ought to get in this boat, because there’s going to be a big flood, and you all are going to be in real trouble!! Not only are you drinking and cussing and smoking and carousing and watching TV and listening to the radio and wearing pullovers and shekich shirts, but if you don’t get in the boat, when the flood comes, you’ll be involved in mixed swimming!!

And the crowd laughed and laughed, because they didn’t believe Noah, and besides, mixed swimming was about the only sin they’d never committed.

And Noah said, “All right, I warned you.” And he went into the ark, and God shut the door.

And it came to pass that the Flood descended in great torrents and the people were swept away in the destruction thereof, and they decided that mixed swimming was something they could have done without.

And Noah sat in the boat and ran his farm operation, because what else was there to do. No construction business, no veal farm. Fortunately, the Flood had destroyed the bank records, so at least he was out of debt.

And after many days, the Ark landed on Mount Ararat, and Noah got off, and made a sacrifice, and realized that once again, the world was left to the Beachy’s.

And how the Beachy’s fared in the new world is another story for another time, and this installment of the Beachy saga must needs end here.

HBB