And it came to pass that after the Lord had cast the First Man and Woman out of the Garden, that Adam’s construction business began to slow down. And Adam hitched up his suspenders, for he was a conservative Beachy, and said to his wife, “Effie, (for her name was a good Beachy name, and not a worldly name, as you have been led to believe), I think I shall get out of the construction business and get into the veal business, for the construction business hath slowed down to nearly a halt, which is not surprising since we really don’t have that many people in the world to start with, whereas the veal business seemth to me like a Paying Proposition, and what’s more, it is an Approved Beachy Job.”

And his wife was wroth and said unto him, “I think that to be a very bad idea, for veal farms do stink abominably, and what do you think the neighbors will say, when we finally get them? And what’s more, who will have to clean the smelly clothes and mop the muddy floors when you track dirt across them with your filthy boots? And Eve, I mean, Effie, was wroth with her husband.

Now Adam, knowing that the survival of the human race depended upon his marriage, said unto her, “I art sorry that thou art upset, for I thought not of those factors before I suggested the idea to thee. Being a Beachy, original thinking does not come easy for me.” And Effie said, “Thou art forgiven, but think not on this subject again.” And the human race was saved.

For it came to pass after those days that Eve/Effie had a son and she called his name Cain. And Adam saw that she had called him by a worldly name, and spake unto her saying, “Dost thou expect us to have good Beachy children, if thou givest them worldly names? Thou shouldest have named them Choe, or Chon or even Checkie. (For Adam was an old Beachy and had a goodly Dutch accent) But it was too late for the birth certificate had been signed.
When the next son was born, Effie named him Abe Larry, and they called him Abe L. For they had learned the importance of good Beachy names for good Beachy children, and they had more sons and daughters, for they were good Beachy’s and wanted many children and owned not a TV.

And as Cain and Abel grew older, it became apparent that Cain was a worldly young man, for he began to wear pullovers and three-button shirts. And the hearts of his parents were grieved because of him, and they looked upon Abe L with kindness, for he verily did helpeth his father in the construction business and never wore so much as one shekich shirt. And Cain saw that his parents loved Abe L and liked not him, nor his worldly attire and one day, while they set rafters, Cain give Abe L a big shove, and that was that.

And Cain left home that day with the sister whom he had married. Now think not that that is so shocking for verily Cain had no choice but to marry a sister, and what is more, there are many Beachy’s who have married thier second-cousins.

Then Cain dwelt away from home and built himself a city, and started the First Worldly Church. And his descendants utterly departed from the Beachy tradition, in that his grandson, Jubal-cain invented the first musical instruments. And so it was that the first Beachy family lost its oldest son to the world.

And Effie had yet one more son and named him Seth (Note Beachy name). And he was a good Beachy, and helped his father and trained his children in the Beachy ways.

And now the sad tale of Cain and Abel must come to an end. Perhaps in the future, thou shalt be further instructed in the illustrous exploits of more Beachy greats of history.

Until next time.

HBB