I have a moral objection to the name of this blog. The Beachy Complex. God called us to live simple lives. Just like our covering strings* are a simple adornment (I would call it an oxymoron, but that’s too big a word for a simple Mennonite to use and it also indicates the dangers of education may be present). Or more correctly, the covering strings of our help-meets–which is defined in the vernacular of most Beachy preachers as a noun, but which is really a noun and an adjective; it’s just like saying: help-suitable. But such complex etymological and grammatical deconstructions are once again contrary to The Simple Life (not to be confused with Paris Hilton). Oohn fashtandich, now where wah ich? My mind just strayed. Ach my. Oh, ja, I was listing the things about Beachy’s that are Simple, not Complex. You have the new name of our _____: Deconfederectshipment. That’s simple enough. Just like Conservative Amish-Mennonite Beachy. Also you have our simple, short, consistent guidelines** that don’t deviate from church to church. In short, embrace The Simple Life (DON’T embrace Paris Hilton! Ach my!) and shun (almost like the Amish, but not quite as bad; remember, we are Beachy’s) heretical blog names!

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* I think that covering strings were created by God to let daddies turn the heads of their daughters away from liberal boys.

** Maybe we should call these Gurusttrcucuan’s in honor of the combination of these:
Guidelines
Rules
Standards
Traditions
Customs
Culture
“A nice social visit from the Bishop if you break these!”

On the negative side, it has “guru” in it which would only lead down the slope to Eastern (not to be confused with Easterns) religion. On the plus side, it almost sounds like a Datch word, so it would fit in well. On the negative side it’s hard to pronounce. On the plus side, everyone could pronounce it wrongly and thus be good little Beachy’s. On the negative side, it wouldn’t be very simple (and remember, God called us to The Simple Life). Another disadvantage would be the “cucu” present in the word. This might lead some people to think that the Biblical command (see Col 2, Acts 15, Mark 7/Matt. 15) for man-made church rules is cuckoo.

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Please bear with me as I continually revise this blog post over a period of a couple of hours. I keep thinking about little additions that would add so much to the spiritual value of the post that I just have to add them. I know, I really should take advantage of the “Draft” function, but that seems to be too much like the military and would fall in the same evil spiritual category as mustaches.