Archive for August, 2006
Why the beard? Why mustachelessness? Why the marital status discrimination?
An English guy from the world asked me, some time back, at a large festival (I wasn’t having any fun, mind you; I was there to be a witness with my non-tshirt and non-worldly pants; that’s the best way for evangelism, you know), that had a lot of Amish people in attendance, what the difference [...]
Amish Paradise
In case you have not seen the quintessential Beachy movie, here it is:
Official Beachy Laptop
I’ve been thinking, the Beachy’s outta really make some more “guidelines” and “mutual loving suggestions” and so on. If we regulate clothing, we should catch up to the times and do further regulation of technology! I have decided upon the perfect official Beachy laptop: Dell. It’s perfect in so many ways:
It burns up! There’s nothing [...]
Observations
(Please note that this is the Beachy Complex edition, not the Calvary Messenger edition.)
I am doing the bulk of the posting on the Beachy Complex. I am receiving 0% of the ad revenue.
I propose (Maybe I shouldn’t use that word. It makes people thing about marriage. Talking flippantly about marriage debases the seriousness of it [...]Beachy Mascot
I propose a mascot for Beachy’s. I thought it should be someone who has Godly hair. The first person that comes to mind is someone who is also known as the paragon of Godly (and Beachyly) nonresistance. This person is also wearing a straight cut suit (I think) in the picture below. There is, however, [...]
Kissing Problems
One of the biggest problems that Beachy preachers say that they face is young men not kissing.
One of the biggest problems that mainstream pastors say that they face is young men kissing.The Face of Evil
I shall now publicly address my brother who has been in error to wrong philosophy. ConMennLibAmish, it is a good thing to argue that music is evil. But it can be done much better than just borrowing what some non-Beachy said. We must stick with the pure and unadultered gospel. We must use our own [...]
Why A Cappella Music is Evil
Some have argued that instruments detract from the singing. But actually instruments help people sing–especially bad singers. Bad singers are embarrassed to sing in acappella music because they stick out like a sore thumb. With some drums, guitars, basses, and fairly loud volume, however, they are free to sing loudly and praise the Lord with [...]
Where is Everybody?
I have checked this blog numerous times in the last several days, and have been grieved to find that new posts are few and far between. As a member of this august assembly of Beachy bloggers, I shall attempt to remedy this situation, for as of Monday, August 21, I shall be returning to [...]
…and not so Cool Ads (and Amish Jews)
This is one of the manifest dangers of the internets. These tubes that come into your house bring all kinds of filth! This case illustrates that despite the best of your intentions (making money, as the Lord hath commanded us to do), bad things can come quickly upon you; like ads that would sully the [...]
Cool Ads
Ads are ads. People have tried to disguise them by calling them
“sponsered links”. Don’t believe it. They are ads. They make money.
That’s why you should click on them. They make the Beachy Complex money.
They insure that I don’t lose money by taking time off my construction
job to blog on a satire blog. What is with [...]Amish on Steriods
Who says that Beachys aren’t Amish on steriods? In perusing the recent posts of first-class Beachy blogger (the definitive Beachy blogger, as a matter of fact) Hans Mast, I realized that this world-renown (in the world of Mennonites) says alot about us. Check this out. Its the good old Amish work ethic on steriods…homemade pastries [...]
Innappropriate Blog name and other thoughts
I have a moral objection to the name of this blog. The Beachy Complex. God called us to live simple lives. Just like our covering strings* are a simple adornment (I would call it an oxymoron, but that’s too big a word for a simple Mennonite to use and it also indicates the dangers of [...]
Deconfederectshipment: The Pros, the Cons
First of all, Deconfederectshipment is composed of pieces of the following words.
Denomination
Conference
Confederacy
Connection
Fellowship, and
MovementNone of these words in themselves seem suitable, yet each of them has its own merits. So, I propose that the thing to do is put all the words together, so as to get the optimal meaning from all of them. [...]
Iraq
You know, some people drive me crazy. There was some crazy J.W.’s who came to my door the other day. Now if it’s anything I hate, it’s people waking me up from my Sunday nap. I answered the door, all grouchy. About the first thing they said, was, “Do you support the Iraq war?” I [...]
Beachy Complex Name Replacement Contest
Beachy Complex announces a contest for a new name for this unique collection of churches. The winner of this contest will be the first to be inducted into the Beachy Complex Hall of Fame (screennames permissable). Deadline to be announced.
Readers please begin sending your submissions. Commenters, let’s have your ideas. Contributors, do your best. To [...]Constituency-To Use or Not to Use?
I think a large part of the reason that we refer to our esteemed group of church as a constituency is because we feel have no other option. The other words to call a group of churches would include the following:
Denomination
Conference
Confederation
Connection
Fellowship
MovementWe do not consider ourselves a denomination, because we are a loose affiliation of [...]
Constitutency Identity Issues
I did some research on the word Consitituency. First of all I found out that it is a noun. Here are some other things various dictionaries had to say (taken from Dictionary.com):
The body of voters or the residents of a district represented by an elected legislator or official.
A group of supporters or patrons.
A group served [...]The Draft-A Blessing in Disguise?
Many modern Beachy’s fear that one day soon, if this horrible war on terror continues, the government will impose the draft. This would be a terrible thing, in that it would require hundreds of Beachy’s from all across the nation to register for alternative service. Before you reach for the nitroglycerin tablets, let me show [...]
The radio
Beachy’s have long been on record for not listening to the radio. In case you think that’s stupid, hear me out.
1. There really is some stuff on the radio that is not fit to hear. I know, I know, you can listen to really cool guys like Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh, but there is [...]
